We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize