that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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