to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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