the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
