like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
