If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
