Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
