cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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