Me. At least after what I've been through.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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