I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
