You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize