i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
