the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Will exercising make me less horny?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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