I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
