Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
