"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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