she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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