wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
