if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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