dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
