just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
