I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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