There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
