I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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