im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
