what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
