Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize