My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
