I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
