she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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