Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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