Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
