I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
