Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
