True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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