Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
