Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
only you would photoshop your dick
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
