I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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