saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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