dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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