I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
