im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
