i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize