I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize