from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
