he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Randomize
