I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
