just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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