They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
