She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
