3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
