Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
