She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
