why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize