Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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