You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
