i just had sex bonerless
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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