Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(865): View more from Tennessee

And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

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(317): View more from Indiana

Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on

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(406): View more from Montana

I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.

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(972): View more from Texas

we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry

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(818): View more from California

I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol

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(320): View more from Minnesota

She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?

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(636): View more from Missouri

Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok

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