my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
