I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
