Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize