i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
