new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
