Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize