I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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