I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
