It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
