i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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