That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The power of my boobs compel you
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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